This is a special guest review from Bogart!
This entire document is a form of payment. It is a payment for one beer. It was a beer that I needed dearly. Most people just want beer. Wanting a beer means that you’re not likely to do anything irrational to get it. However, if you need a beer then your circumstances change. So, when do you need a beer? I will tell you.
I hadn’t slept in two days. There was a grill on the deck cooking me food. My friends were all just as delirious as I was from sleep deprivation and they began to drink. First it was the innocent shot of whiskey. This first shot numbs the mouth and makes it easier to drink more. Unfortunately, the whiskey doesn’t do what it is supposed to do—namely force me into an eight hour coma. Instead, the whiskey propels me forward into a bar where I drink even more. Here I drink beer and do shots of Rumplemintz and something that started with an “M.” Pussy shots you say? Well, I didn’t pay for them so fuck off.
An hour went by at the bar real fast. I was extremely drunk. And tired. But I don’t believe I was aware of either. At this point I could have shit my pants and not even have skipped a beat. I remember being happy and smiling at everyone. Life was good, but then it was time to go home. The excitement of the night is always chilled by the return home. It’s enough to make you convince yourself that just one more beer—no matter how tanked you are—is exactly what you need to end the night. You need to push it just that solitary inch further so that the night can come to a proper close. That is when you need a beer.
It could have been any damn beer in the world… but then She walked through the door. Oh, Saranac, your seductive charm always seems to drop by my doorstep at the most dire of times. But you weren’t mine just yet, were you? No, it’s never that easy with you, my love. That night she was dressed in her best pale ale. Her amber glow warmed every star in the sky. The only thing that stood between me and that 5.5% alcohol-by-volume was writing a beer review. No worldly payment of money or sexual favor was an option. Now, I’m a busy man to begin with and on top of that mid-terms were days away. Yet, who was I to rationalize in that moment of absolute lust. I had to give in.
So: The beer was really good if you like pale ales. Prob one of my favs. Strong hoppy flavor with a bitter aftertaste, just as it should be. It’s high in alcohol so it’s no beer for lightweights. According to the website it is best served alongside lamb, beef, stews and cheeses. I drank it with spaghetti. The spaghetti contained beef and cheese. I rule.
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